This is a basic three-step process for counseling. This method is used when someone comes to you for help with a problem or wants to discuss something. It's for "normal neurotics like you and me" but not intended for dealing with patients suffering from serious mental issues.
It avoids giving advice (a mistake in any kind of counseling). If you stick to this method, you'll be safe and probably do much good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening is the act of being able to comprehend the message as well as the emotions that go with it.
Cerebral understanding is not enough.
Don't make statements that is a statement that defines the issue or other person's feelings. Ask instead. Do not say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". "Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or "The way you see it is . . . ". At this point, it might suffice to just say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
The stage is over when the person begins talking about the causes of the issue. You'll know you've achieved success when you receive agreement to your suggestions of what the issue is and the feeling behind it.
Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
When the person talking to you is comfortable, they will move on to deeper things. In this moment, you are able to begin to ask questions. You can ask if they've ever had this experience before. What have they attempted to do in similar situations - whether or not it worked If there are any additional thoughts or feelings that are taking place for them. If you can clearly see something, offer observations of what you see. For example, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and etc. Even here it is probably more appropriate to ask questions rather than make a statement.
The key issue at this point is to remain in touch with their feelings in the way they are feeling them.
If you can't do this, tell them; don't fake it. It could be something like, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They'll appreciate this more than acting like it (and they'll always know that you're not really pretending).
This stage ends when the problem is looked at differently, and a fresh perspective is gained.
Stage Three: Doing Different Things
When they begin to see things differently, they may begin to think about things differently or at least make plans to.
The temptation when anyone comes to you with a problem is to try and jump to this stage immediately. This is a mistake. What is needed is opportunity to look into what's going on and to see it in a new way.
At this point, you may offer suggestions on what has been successful for you.
Don't be enticed by the phrase "Yes But . . . ".
If they provide reasons as to why your suggestions won't work, don't debate. Instead, inquire about what they tried, the reason it didn't work, and what they could try differently this time.
It is possible to arrange that they check in with you to ensure that they monitor the progress they make with their new approach to doing things.
This phase is over when they test new behavior with you, or when they've plans for the new behaviour they want to share with others.
This process is almost entirely about listening.
The other person is always aware more about their own circumstances than you do.
Don't give any advice on what to do. In the third phase, you could want to discuss what you have learned from your experience when you've had to deal the same issue.
With a bit of practice, you'll become quite proficient quite quickly at this Teen Counseling Articles process. You might end up being one of those people who people seek advice'. So long as you follow this method and do not offer any suggestions, you'll do much good and help numerous people.